Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Reevalutation of myself

Spending a week sick has given me time to reflect on things. I read something today that made me rethink the way I've been doing things in the past few months.  Willpower is something I've been lacking, in great proportions, since Dustin moved in. I have been blaming him instead of blaming myself. I mean, yeah, my house has been turned upside down and there has been adjustments on everyone's part. In reality, I was using him as an excuse to lose my willpower.  After all, it is easier to place the blame with someone else, right? Say things like, "Well he's not used to doing things like I do... it's okay if I do this, this time..."

Coming to this realization has made me reevaluate my goals and what I want to do with my personal journey. Also, I had done some thinking around the weight lifting portion of my workouts.  While building muscle is great and muscle helps burn fat... I have alot of fat I need to burn and I can't continue to ignore cardio workouts. Instead I have to balance the two.

I really enjoyed completing the 5k101 training and finishing the 5k run in September.  I realized just how much I enjoyed it when I did the Pumpkin Plod on Thanksgiving. I didn't run, but I walked, pretty darn fast. While I didn't enjoy running, 100% I did enjoy the end goal of finishing the 5k and competing in something I could do and time myself on and see my own improvements.  I don't see myself doing distances longer than 5ks but I would like to schedule more 5ks in my future.

All that being said, I've come up with a new plan for myself. Oddly enough, based on where I started. Going along with the lifelong plan that is stressed in Fat2Fit Radio... Eating will be done on a calorie counting basis based on my BMR and activity level. My calorie level is 2000 - 2300 / day.

Exercise, I want to get back into working out 5x a week.  MWF will be running days, these will be done on the treadmill, elliptical and track at Lincoln Center (or outside if it's closed).  TR will be strength training days. I am going to redo the 5k101 program, working on increasing my speed.  Starting in January, I want to sign up to do at least one 5k a month.  I want to have some of the 5ks be family affairs where I drag Jonas and Dustin along with me. It is OK to walk.  It is about doing a family activity together :)

I know I have the strength to do this and keep my willpower up.  I have to think of willpower as another muscle that with enough working out, will remain strong.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Looming Holidays

For the past few years I've not been one to enjoy the holidays that I loved as a child and young adult.  For me, they bring sadness and reflection of my failures at living life the way I dreamed I would. This year, although different, really is the same. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the upcoming month.

Tomorrow I am going to walk in a 3 mile fun walk. I'm pondering finding a Jingle Bell Run to do. I think if I stay active it will help with the battle of the feelings.

Food wise, I'm just so unsure what to do. I don't remember what I did last year at this time of year, yet I know I was successful in maintaining my weight loss.

I've not updated this week because my weight loss has been non-existent.

The plan of building muscle, while has been successful in muscle gain, hasn't been good for weight loss.  I'm going to schedule a BF test so I can see if it's been successful in fat loss.  As soon as I'm done with the 8 week program, I'm going back to a cardio heavy workout program with body weight exercises for maintaining the muscle I did build, until I get down in weight.

Exercise isn't the issue, food is.  I need to figure out a way to beat the battle with food again. I know my home life, and my lack of motivation and willpower are to blame.  I just need to find a way to work through it, emotionally, so that psychically I can overcome my issues.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Just 10 Recap & Bootie Bustin Start!

Yesterday I worked from home and between watching movies while working and taking Jonas to his dad, I didn't blog at all.

Yesterday gets a 4 out of 5. I walked Jonas to/from school, but I'm not counting it as my movement, as I relate it to my walk to/from work during the regular work week.  I didn't get any exercise in yesterday.  Eating goals and everything else were good.  I did have soda with dinner, but I drank a lot of water and tea earlier in the day.

Today we're going to see Harry Potter and have a game night with my brother and his fiance.  Should be a day of great fun.  I plan on getting in a walk this afternoon between the two.  Today also starts the Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge.  I earn points for moving my arse!  So my goal today?  Walk/run for at least 2 miles.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Just 10 - Day 15

I wasn't expecting to see the scale move much today, however a bit of a move would have been nice. I'm not stressing about it, however, I'm just accepting it and moving on.

My goals for today:
  • No Soda
  • Strength Workout B (Deadlifts, Shoulder Press, Lat Pull Down, Lunges & Crunches on Ball)
  • Drink 3 bottles of water and/or SF Drink Mix
  • Log all my food!

I think, honestly, the logging of the food and me getting enough liquid has been poor for the past week. In order to success, I really need to do both.

Today for snacks I brought a big apple, clementine tangerines and 2 oz of pretzels. Lunch is going to be a Chipotle Burrito Bol. I'll also have a protein shake after my workout and finish up the cup of coffee I have.  Tonight for supper, I have no idea!  I pulled out ground turkey.  I'm thinking something along the line of either burger, chili, pasta or finding a good ground meat & quinoa dish. Either way.  Measuring will happen!

Today is going to be a great day!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Just 10 - Day 14

To say I was disappointed this morning when I jumped on the scale is a bit of a statement.  Was I upset about it?  Not really.  Generally the morning after my strength training I notice a gain. So how did the day rate? 4 out of 5.  Why?  My food portions were a bit off.  Not a whole lot, and mostly at dinner, but enough that I felt I didn't get to claim that point.

Today, I'm writing quite a bit later than normal.  My day thusfar?  Can be summed up with redeeming in the end. I had a rough day.  My sinuses were bugging me, I'm fighting a bit of a cold and just felt generally crappy.  A walk down and then up 2 flights of stairs made my head throb more, so I opted not to do my planned cardio. Eating wise, I did alright. I did have a small soda this morning in an attempt to get the drugs moving in my system. Tonight however, after getting home from a dinner out and a jaunt at Meijer for food drives and PJ drives, I decided a cardio video was in order.  I pulled out the Biggest Loser video I have and opted for the high-intensity cardio.  My legs burned.  I was pouring sweat.  And now?  I feel great. Even though today doesn't get a super high rating 3 out of 5, I feel good about the day. (Can we say huge omelet for supper with a side of pancakes?)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Just 10 - Day 13

I've been staring at this screen for a while now while I'm doing my work wondering what I want to write, where I want to go.

Yesterday was a higher caloric day than planned, but I got out for a walk during my workday and a good walk in the evening with the boys. Because of everything I ate, I'm going to dock myself for that and call it a 4 out of 5 day.

I know the eating yesterday was attributed to not getting enough sleep the night before and being worn out as well as not wanting to be at work. I also had planned to make it a cardio day and once I had plans to workout at night, I canceled my plans for the day and just took a walk outside for some fresh air.

Today has been alright in the eating department.  I even went down and did my strength training program.  The issue I'm having today is I'm not feeling it. 

Last week I posted to the forum of the strength training program that I'm following about how I was pondering gloves because of my hands and the amount of weight I use for deadlifts. The basic answers I receieved after saying how I've been doing squats and deadlifts (both are supposed to be with an olympic barbell) I was told there was no way I was doing the squats right with the smith machine and there is no possible way to do deadlifts correctly with dumbbells.  That I need to quit my gym and join a new one. I told myself, it's not personal, they live this program and I'm doing it to gain muscle to help me with this last leg of my weight loss journey.  But today, I realized it has bothered me.  Do I want to support the program after the initial 8 weeks by continuing on?  Do I want to do something else? As I type this I think, "They are two bimbos who aren't the author, don't know my story and don't know how I'm actually doing with this program." 

I look at that, and where I've gone in the 6 weeks I've been doing this program. In just the two hardest exercises today I've gone from squats with 50 pounds to squats with 110 pounds.  I've gone from step-ups with 30 pounds to step-ups with 60 pounds.  I see definition in my arms.  I feel the strength in my legs and my core.

I'm doing doing nearly the amount of cardio I had been doing, which is probably attributing to the slow in weight loss. I plan on upping the cardio in the coming weeks by not only doing some cardio at the gym but also at home with the boys. I enjoy our walks together, even if they don't get me to the point of pouring out sweat. It's activity, together.  The sweat can get poured out at the gym.

So what are my goals for the rest of the year, in regard to exercising that is?

  • Continue with the strength training twice a week (continuing with the program I'm doing)
  • Do cardio at the gym twice a week (35 minute min - alternate run/walk, elliptical, bike)
  • Do cardio at home with the boys at least twice a week, but aim for three times a week (walking and/or running)
Now, I feel better and not as lost.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Weekend Recap - Just 10 Days 10,11, 12

Friday, Day 9 was a pretty good day.  We had slow cooked pork for lunch and Mediterranean for supper. I didn't get any extra movement in from normal day activities so Friday was a 4 out of 5.

Saturday, Day 10, we were barely at home.  We had a good family breakfast and then got ready to head out to the Jelly Belly Warehouse in WI for a tour.  We had a semi decent lunch and then enjoyed our time at the warehouse.  We opted to stop at Gurnee Mills on the way home. We walked, played at the arcade, drove some slot cars, had dinner and about 4.5 hours later, headed home. Food out wasn't the best, but I made good choices. I, however, didn't stay away from soda.  I ended up having some.  So Saturday was a 4 out of 5.

Sunday, Day 11 was another day that was seemingly nonstop.  After our normal Sunday Morning Family Breakfast at my parents we came home and raked leaves, mowed the yard and re-layed the brick patio.  About 4 hours later, tired, we had lunch and I napped.  We went out for dinner at Red Robin and then took a stroll around Wal-Mart for a few things we needed.  I did have soda again, on the drive to dinner, but had tea at dinner.  Overall, the day was a 4 out of 5.

Today is Day 12.  I'm back at the weight I started at 12 days ago.  I know I have more muscle, I know my body is yelling at me for not enough rest this weekend.  But I'm not discouraged.  I know I'm doing a good thing. I also know that I've got less to lose now than I did a year ago, and it'll come off slower than it did a year ago.

I've been a ton hungrier than normal today and felt like I've been eating all morning.  It makes me think that my lunch won't be filling enough and I should find something to go with it.  Soda-wise, I've not had any and don't plan on having any today.  Dinner tonight is going to be turkey burgers and I'm planning on dragging everyone over to Lincoln Center for a walk tonight. I'm still waiting for them to post an updated schedule to make sure they will be open tonight.  If they're not, I'm still going to do something at home.  I am planning on a workout today at work as well.  I'm going to do cardio today and my weights Tuesday & Thursday this week.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Just 10 - Day 9

Yesterday, oh yesterday... I'm giving it a 5 out of 5, even though I did have soda.  I've been really good with not drinking soda.  The occasional one on a special day I think is the exception.  When we went out for supper last night (issue with the pork not being done) I had iced tea and fajitas, of which, I ate maybe 1/3 of the food they gave me.  I had an awesome workout yesterday!  I continue to amaze myself with the weights that I'm lifting for the NROWFL (New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women) workout that I'm following.  I did realize yesterday, however, I can't continue without using gloves. I'm posting a question about it to the forums for the workout program and seeing what the ladies there say.

Today, working from home, I've done well with breakfast, beverages and the like.  Plans today include a family cardio session, lunch at home and dinner is still up in the air.  I'm half between feeling like celebrating and half between "let's eat at home and do something special tomorrow" and "let's do both!"  Hee!  I'll bring the options in front of the family this afternoon and see what the results are.

The weight is still steadily going down, which makes me happy.  I found my Body Fat scale yesterday and tried it today but it's giving me an error.  I'll have to research what that means.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Just 10 - Day 8

First and foremost I am extremely proud of myself for yesterday. I wasn't feeling like working out when it came time.  However I said, "20 minutes, I can do 20 minutes!"  I ended up with 24, but in that time-frame I rode 7 miles on the bike.  Secondly, I had a rough evening.  It took every bone in my body to not eat my way through those feelings I was having. I had a healthy supper, stayed within my calories and considered it a great day!

So Day 7 was a big ol 5 out of 5.

Today?  Emotionally has been a boost.  I had my performance review for work.  Raises rock.  Raises with retroactive pay (especially right before the holidays) rock more. :) So when my boss took me out to lunch I opted for a diet soda with my lunch.  I figured, its a celebration type of thing, I'm okay to break that rule today.

Other than that, I've been eating a little bit more than normal, but I have a big strength training workout today, so that's okay.  Nothing at the extreme, just a little more.

Dinner tonight is going to be a quiet one at home, with a possible family walk afterwords.

I realized, the rule I struggle with the most of my core 5 is the no eating 3 hours before bed.  Not because I'm hungry, but because I'm wanting to stay up to spend time with family, doing things, and my body is taking that as, "must have fuel".  Taking an active step to stop myself this past week, I've realized that I'm associating a feeling with hunger and that is an easy one to remedy.

Weight wise, I've been steadily declining since Monday and my overfilled weekend, so I'm excited about that.

I know I can do it!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Just 10 - Day 7

Day 6 was awesome.  It was a good 5 out of 5!  I had an awesome workout yesterday.  I moved to workout 5 of stage 1 of my plan.  That was 3 sets of 10 (save for the ab exercise which was 3 sets of 12). My legs cramped at one point during the workout.  I thought I'd be really sore today, but the only thing overly sore is my abs!  I was excited to see the definition in my arms yesterday. Yeah, there is still a lot of extra skin and some fat, but you can see the muscle definition! Now, to just pray the fat around the middle goes away with the extra muscle building!

I'm still fighting a bit of a cold, so today is full of hot tea and cold watery substances. I do plan on doing a cardio workout today.  I'm thinking about a good long bike ride. I'm wondering if I should do intervals or just ride at whatever pace feels good.  I think I'll aim for intervals, as I know it'll do better on the whole fat burning route.

I'm still in a soup mood today. I may head out and grab a bowl of soup somewhere to go with my BBQ Chicken pasta for lunch. I think it's the cold that has me wanting it.

D is making some Carolina Slow Cooked Pulled Pork for dinner tonight. That should be nice and delicious. I've got to ponder a good side vegetable to go with it.  Perhaps a salad and some peas!

The weight is on it's way back down, which is a great thing.  I was a bit worried about it after this weekend. I need to find a way to be more disciplined at home over the weekends. Taking out all the snack foods in the house isn't an option for me anymore, so I really need to practice discipline. I think the greatest tool for that is going to be actually logging my food on the weekends.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Just 10 - Day 6

Yesterday was a 4 out of 5.

  • Soda, I had about a quarter of a can on the way home from a quick visit from my mom. 
  • Eating before bed, I had a snack while playing a game with Dustin, about 2 hours before I fell asleep.  I had a very early dinner though, which is why I felt the need to snack.  It was a healthy snack!
  • Move for 10 minutes, I didn't do anything extra.  I walked at the store, but didn't do anything beyond that.  This is where I subtracted from more overall score.
  • Portion control, I measured everything out yesterday and did an overall good job on what I ate.
  • Weighing in, it's become second nature.  Go potty, get weight.  This weekend I need to take measurements.

Today I'm back at work. I was overly hungry this morning, but I'm also fighting a cold.  My head isn't overly stuffed, but I can feel my throat stinging. I have my strength training planned for today, so working out isn't an issue.  Today, I up my weights and lower my reps. Right now, I'm looking at doing 100+ lb squats with the squat rack.  It's a bit intimidating, but I know I can do it. Last week I did 90 lbs.  I may do just 100.  I may up it to 110.  Either way, it's going to be a great workout.

I'm trying to work my way through warm/hot tea today.  I can feel I need to drink it, but the warm/hot liquid isn't hitting the spot.  Perhaps I'll just give in and do cold liquids and see how that works for me.

Food wise, I have eaten a lot of fruit this morning.  I also made a very yummy oatmeal last night that consisted of steel cut oats, whole groats and quinoa... as well as some fruit and nuts. So I might feel like I'm eating a lot, but it's all good food, so I'm not worried about it.  Lunch is going to be a simple soup/salad type of thing.  Dinner tonight will be a shredded BBQ chicken type of meal. I'm unsure of the grain/veggie yet.  I've been wanting some peas, but it doesn't really flow with BBQ chicken.  Maybe I'll do the roasted potatoes tonight and green beans.

The biggest hurdle for me today, is dealing with the stress from work.  I think some tunes will help with that, well, tunes and the workout.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Test mobile post

I just downloaded an app for my phone and I want to see how mobile posts will work with it. This way, I can post anywhere from my phone.

Just 10 - Days 3 & 4 Recap - Day 5 Plans

This weekend was busy, but in a good, fun-filled way.

Saturday (Day 3) started out good enough, but then a nap and no desire to pass up the choice of Chinese Buffet followed by 6 hours of games with family, complete with some snacks put my calories over my limit. I weighed in, got in 10 minutes of movement, in the form of a walk (OH! And some weeding and raking time) and overall, I'll place the day at a 3 out of 5.

Sunday (Day 4) was just not that great. I had a massive sinus headache which had me taking medicine I don't normally take and then I just slept... for hours. Lunch and dinner were not bad, I had soda, due to my inability to focus and make some sugar free kool-aid. I didn't log any food and I doubt I moved at all more than to the car, couch, bed. The only thing going for me? I weighed in. So, Sunday gets a 1 out of 5.

Day 5, I started off with a good breakfast of oats and berries. Jonas is home sick today, so my normal strength training will be pushed until tomorrow. I'll plan to get some cardio in this afternoon for my movement. I did weigh in this morning and am back to where I started this Just 10 challenge. I'm not happy with that, but I am optimistic that I'll get back to where I was at.

Remembering to write my recaps and look-aheads is helping me keep myself accountable, even if no one is reading this. (Those of you that are, kudos and thanks).

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Just 10 - Day 3

Day 2 Recap: 5 out of 5.

I had a soda with the Subway for lunch, but then refilled my glass with water. Food wise, I had a really good day. Jonas and I took a break during my work (which I rocked yesterday) to do a 10 minute exercise video from U-Verse. We played games last night, had a Greek yogurt w/ cranberry and almonds for dessert. Finished that well before I went to sleep last night.

Yesterday I also bought a books geared towards kids and families. One of them, is in the same line of "Eat this, not that" books, the other looks at food in a stoplight fashion. I think both books will be helpful not only for me, but also for helping Jonas make good choices.

Day 3 is a test of eating out for a meal, but one I will be prepared for. We had a good family breakfast together. Plans for today include some grocery shopping and hanging out together.

I weighed myself this morning and am a bit floored in the amount of weight I've lost over the past 2 days. I'm half way to the first goal of 10.

Following this plan has been simple, so I don't feel overwhelmed with the amount of right or wrong I am doing. I also made sure I looked at what I've done in the past when I was very successful in my weight loss. What was it? I didn't stress so much. That's it. Simple. I didn't plan out meals a week in advance. I went with what I felt like, for that day. Following that, has helped me tremendously over the past week.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Just 10 - Day 2

Day 1 Final Results: 4 out 5

Why? I had candy. Not just any candy. I had a whole Baby Ruth candy bar, and a mini Almond Joy, and a mini Butter Finger. If I had just had the whole Baby Ruth, I would have considered the day a success, as I brought it with me to have after my workout. The plan was, if I worked out, I could have it. If I didn't... I couldn't.

I also managed to have dinner by 8:30pm and in bed by 10-10:30... so I was around my two hour limit.

What will Day 2 bring?

Working from home, although more relaxing, tends to be a little harder. I had a good, big, breakfast this morning. Lunch... I need to go to the post office to mail something. My plan is to take the box to the post office, then grab some Subway on the way home. A half sub and an apple are a good choice. Dinner will be ground turkey stroganoff, as requested by Jonas. With that, I'll make some veggies and possibly a dessert.

Other goals for today? Cutting out soda? Done. I'm drinking awesome coffee this morning and will make some sugar free kool-aid this afternoon as well as a glass or two of water.

The other bonus for working from home? Earlier dinner. Rule #2: Stop Eating at least 3 hours before bed should be a bonus easy today.

Move for 10 minutes? I can fit that in, and not just walking to pick up Jonas. When Jonas gets home, we'll do a quick workout to get some energy out and some blood pumping. He'll enjoy working out with me as well.

Weighed myself this morning. I was 2.5 pounds lighter than yesterday. Odd, considering the intake of sugar I had mid-afternoon. Anyway, that is awesome, I'll take it!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Just 10 - Day 1

Today starts my journey on the Just 10 challenge. I started the day off weighing myself. I can say I'm not pleased with the number, but I do have the starting number and the 10 pound goal weight.

I plan on working out today at the gym. I'm pondering which cardio is my choice of poison. While I know that I do better on the elliptical, calorie burn wise, I'm still pondering the whole running thing. Do I want to be a runner? Do I just want better health?

Dinner tonight is going to be simple: pancakes, eggs and turkey bacon. Getting home at 7:15, this should take about 20 minutes to cook. With extra movement planned and laundry folding, that should give me a good 3 hours before bed to digest and stuff.

I think, for my 10 minute movement sessions after work, I'm going to do the Hacker's Diet Ladder program that I have on my phone. It will allow me to move with the family, in short sessions.

The fifth goal, portion control, I'm working on again. Breakfast was not that great (McDonalds burrito, with a side of apples instead of hashbrown). Lunch will be out as I haven't been doing well at preparing my meals. I am going to get the nutrition down though with a veggie heavy lunch. I brought good snacks and dinner will be portion controlled.

So far, my outlook is good and I know I will do well.

Since I'm doing a strength training program, I don't expect that I will lose the 10 pounds overly quickly. My current time goal is by 12/31.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Just 10!

In a normal day, I check twitter a couple times, but really only ever read the top 5 or so at that time. During one check today I see a tweet by Dr. Oz about his Just 10 challenge. Basically, to create a goal of losing 10 pounds at a time. While I've been trying to figure out how to get myself back on a goal driven basis with my weight loss (I'm doing the workout goals well enough with the New Weight Lifting for Women plan), this showed up and looks like I can do it!

So I signed up for the challenge.

There are 5 simple rules:
  1. Cut out Soda (Just replace one soda with water is the goal given. Since I have usually have one per day, I'm going to aim to have none at all)
  2. Stop Eating at Least 3 Hours Before Bed (Due to times I get home, this is sometimes not doable. Instead, I will aim to not at least 2 hours before bed. If I do end up eating, I will do an extra 10 min exercise before bed)
  3. Move for 10 Minutes Each Day (This one, while I move a lot will be an additional 10 minutes, done at home in the evenings with the family to meet my goal)
  4. Exercise Portion Control (I need to get back into the habit of weighing and measuring everything!)
  5. Weigh Yourself Daily (No problem! I can do this, even if I don't like it just yet)

I also liked this picture about how to balance what you're eating:

Easy enough!

So this is my new challenge to myself. To lose 10 pounds. Simple enough.

I'm going to track my goals daily as a 5 out of 5 type of way to keep track of how I'm doing. I think this is easy enough that I'm not going to become overwhelmed, but will help me in my journey of becoming healthier.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


So, I've lost my inspiration yet again. I've started a new workout program, but I can't seem to follow an eating plan. Is it because I'm reading too much and am over-educated in what everyone thinks is the right percentage of macro-nutrients, what someone else thinks is the "better" food? I honestly have no clue. Either way, I haven't been losing fat. That's the way that I'm looking at things now. I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to lose weight.

It's still hard for me to fathom that I'm at the top of the healthy body fat % for women my age. What's that mean? The last time I had my body fat measured, it was under 33%. Yet, I have this big ol belly of fat. It's this big ol belly that has my mind in a matter of chaos.

I no longer know what I should be eating, how often, etc.

The strength training workout I put myself on recommends a 40/30/30 ratio due to the amount of strength training. (That is protein/carb/fat ratio)

Ok, great. I know lean meats are better than fatty meats. I know whole grains are better than the processed crap with no nutritional value. What about organic vs. non-organic fruits and veggies? Is organic going to salvage my hormone imbalance from years of playing whack-a-mole with my eating plans?

Should I continue logging what I eat? Should I just let go for a while? Why was I so successful and now am struggling just to maintain my weight?

I'm so frustrated with everything, I'm sure it isn't helping. I'm anally obsessed with this journey and I wish I could just "go with the flow". But I also know that I can't.

I realized that while writing down my thoughts and feelings does help, I can't force myself to do it every day. Yet, I should try and do more of the "good days" and not the days where I realize my unhealthy obsession with making myself healthier.

I was going to instill a more organic diet starting next week in our house, however, now I'm wondering, is that really what I want to do? Is it really what will help me, and the rest of the household, become healthier? There are SO many conflicting studies and opinions around, that I can't find a straight answer.

I think, for now, anyway, I'm just going to go the old fashioned route of counting calories, logging my food, and abiding by the principles of lean meats, veggies, fruits, legumes and whole grains. Watching the ratio due to the strength training program, but not worrying overly much on the whole organic/non-organic front.

I'll make weekly menus and reevaluate in 2 months to see how the whole thing is going for me.

Friday, October 1, 2010

A New Path

Today I met with a Registered Dietitian. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, to make sure the journey I've been taking is nutritionally sound. It was a very good appointment! She congratulated me on my successes so far. She said I no longer would qualify for bariatric surgery and that I am very close to the "overweight" range instead of the "very overweight/obese" range I'm in currently. Considering I was once in the "super obese" (which is above "morbidly obese" level... this is a VERY good thing. :)

We looked at my eating over the past week and she felt I was eating too much protein. She also felt I should make a short term weight loss goal of 14 pounds. Once I reach that goal, do short term weight loss goals of 10 pounds until I reach my goal weight.

Eating wise, she suggested an 1800 calorie/day diet. This diet includes 3 servings of carbs, 8 oz of protein and 6 servings of fat. It also includes at least 4 cups of veggies! She showed me how I should spread these nutrients across my daily meals.

Meal breakdown is as follows:
Breakfast: 3 carbs, 1 oz meat, 2 fats
AM Snack: 1 carb, 1oz meat, veggies
Lunch: 3 carbs, 3 oz meat, 2 fats, veggies
PM Snack: 2 carbs, veggies
Dinner: 3 carbs, 3 oz meat, 2 fats, veggies

Carbs include starches, fruits and milk.

She also suggested that I don't eat any calories I "earn" from exercising, but that they are bonus calories lost.

Exercise wise, she said I should be doing 420 minutes a week, burning approximately 3500 calories a week, or one pound of fat. Due to the fact that I am aiming to work out 4 days a week at work (35-40 minutes/140 minutes total), 2 days of Pilates (120 minutes) and one day at home (40-60 minutes) she suggested that I add in a weekend activity to burn ~ 400 calories. I can do something on Saturdays to cover that.

She also suggested that I train for a sprint marathon and also think about setting up personal trainer sessions at the gym.

I was depressive and stressed before I saw her (unrelated), but all her positive energy and praise really helped boost my mood. I'm really glad I went today and talked this all through.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Reflections 9/27

This weekend, I didn't eat overly badly, but I ate a lot of carbs. I know that carbs are my downfall and where I struggle the most. I know I need to bring this up when I talk to the dietitian on Friday.

Today was a good day. I ate well. I worked out. I also helped a friend who is struggling with her journey. It made me realize something. I may have never strove to be an inspiration to people, but I have been. I can use what I've learned to help them with their journeys.

My goals for this week: watch the carbs, watch the sugars, work out daily (M-R) at gym, Friday at home and Saturday if possible.

Small goals until I talk with the dietitian to get a better idea of where I need to be nutritionally.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Fixing Negative Self-Talk

I've been getting daily e-mails from Jillian Michaels' website for a while now. Today's featured article, hit a note with me. How to fix your negative self-talk. The article can be found here.

She says to answer the following questions:
  1. Do you have a negative self-image?
  2. Do you lack self-confidence?
  3. Do you feel powerless?
  4. Do you label yourself in self-deprecating ways?
I can answer yes to each of those questions. I may not label myself publicly as she illustrates with the fatso@blank.com e-mail address, but I label myself in my head.

More in detail...

1. Do you have a negative self-image? Am I always looking in the mirror and seeing my flaws? Do I constantly see myself as fat, ugly? Sadly, yes I do. I see my stomach and see the skin and fat there. I see the dangling skin on my arms. I see the fat on my thighs and how they still rub together, even after I've lost 160 pounds. I don't feel pretty. I wear clothes that hide my body because I am ashamed of how I look. I want to look and feel sexy.

2. Do you lack self confidence? As if the above answer doesn't illustrate this, yes I do. Not just with my body and weight, but with life. I am always doubting myself with work. My personal life? I don't have the confidence in myself to make a stand and say "I want to see things change. I want to see this happen." I may think it, but I lack the confidence to do anything about it. I have no confidence in my abilities to do anything properly. I may have met some goals along the road, but they've not helped me have confidence in myself.

3. Do you feel powerless? Jillian describes this as: "Do you feel you have no control over your life?" I don't. Granted, right now I am focused more on personal issues for this than weight related. Weight related, I obsess about it. I count the calories in. I count the calories I burn. I obsess as to why the scale doesn't move. So yeah, there is a powerless feeling there as I "Do what I should but see no results." However, the personal issues, I feel I have no power to stand up for what I want, and more importantly, what I need.

4. Do you label yourself in self deprecating ways? As I stated before, maybe not publicly, but most definitely. I have to catch myself from saying, "I'm the fat one." I've told Jonas before when he's complained about doing exercise with me because he's tired, "Look! I'm fat and I can do it!" If that isn't self deprecating, I don't know what is.

Next she says to answer one more question, "How is this negativity serving you?" Is this the truth about me? No. Does it serve me to meet my goals? Nope. Are they excuses? I don't think so. So how is this negativity serving me? It's not. It's holding me back. Why is my weight stagnant? Because the mental side of weight loss that I need to get control of is holding me back.

Even just today, I was looking at pictures of me from when I was 160 pounds heavier and I thought, hmm, yeah I can tell I've lost some weight. SOME? I've lost a person's worth of weight. I have come so far, yet I can't recognize it. I see it in the numbers, I can see it in the pictures, yet I can't recognize how far I've come. Seeing this negativity written down just proves to me, how much I am the one holding myself back.

Jillian then poses, go back and answer these same questions, using only positive terms.

1. Do you have a negative self-image? I rock. I see myself the happy, thinner person that I have worked so hard to become. I see the inches disappearing from myself, my muscles becoming more defined. I see myself as the beautiful person that I truly am.

2. Do you lack self-confidence? You know what I just did? I graduated college. I have earned a Bachelor's degree. I did it, by myself. I also worked my tail off and lost 75 pounds in a year. Hard work and sweat, and I worked it off. I have also worked hard at learning for my job to better myself for not only me, but so I can do a better job at work.

3. Do you feel powerless? I have control over my life. I know the steps I need to take to get where I want to be and I have the power to take them, to become the person who I want. I have the power to speak up and say what I need to be happy and to become that person.

4. Do you label yourself in self-deprecating ways? I am a superhero and a rock star.

Answering those in a positive tone is hard. I am sure that it will get easier further down the road.

Emotional Eating

I'm an emotional eater. Thankfully, I've been able to control that side of myself (pretty well) for the past year and a half. Everything I've eaten, I've made a decision to eat, I didn't let myself eat out of emotion... Tonight, that broke. I ate because I'm sad. I ate because I'm depressed. I ate because I wanted to fill a hole and I don't know how else to fill it. Stupidly, I ate sugar and then proceeded to drive home. Sugar and I don't get along. At one point, I zoned out I forgot where I was and thought I had passed my exit. My stomach hurts and the food didn't fill the need I have.

I am not to forget this episode, and not to forget how I feel right now.

I need to find a better way to cope with my emotions.

Sickness + Eating Healthy (NOT)

Not being 100% feeling the bestest the past couple of days I've not really looked at what I've eaten, other than just making sure I'm eating something semi healthy. The bonus, I don't really have a lot of unhealthy things in the house. The downside, did you know they deliver pizza to your house if you ask them to?

I know this isn't going to set me back, I had to take care of me (and Jonas) first, not worry about what I was eating.

I started taking my iron pills again. Hopefully that helps with the overall sleepiness and grogginess I've been feeling the past couple of weeks.

Oddly enough, my legs are still sore from Monday's workouts. I stayed home last night with Jonas instead of going to Pilates. I also took a bath, which has helped greatly, as has the rest I've had.

Today, I'm slow cooking some chicken breasts in some pepper mix thingy. I figure I'll shred it later and serve it over rice or on bread or something. Who knows, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I generally don't log food on the weekend, I don't think I'll do a daily blog post on the weekends either. I may change that as I feel the need. Saturday I want to possibly go out to an orchard and get some apples, other than that, I have a baby shower to go to on Sunday.

Monday begins a new week.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Daily Reflection 9/21

Yesterday I had lower grains, only 2 servings, but with planning pasta for supper, I'm okay with that. Foodwise, I came in right at calorie goal.

My body was sore from Monday, but I still went out and did an interval run. I did six intervals of (walk @ 3.5 mph, run @ 5mph) over 25 minutes so each interval was a hair over 2 minutes. I completed the entire thing. I was still sore into the night, but glad I was able to complete my workout.

I got home last night and just relaxed, watching The Biggest Loser with Jonas and Dustin.

Goals for today? Rest. I'm not feeling well and I think I just need rest. I came home sick from work and napped. Jonas is home now and I'll be taking him to the doctor because of his ears being in pain. The rest of the evening will be spent relaxing and going to bed early. I skipped my workout today, but given that I'm still sore and I feel sickly, I am OK with that.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Daily Reflection...

I decided yesterday that I'd like to do a daily reflection as often as I remember. :) I'll be doing these the day after, so I have time to take in the things that occurred and pontificate on them in a more objective manner. (You know, because I tend to be overly emotional when things happen)

Nutrition: Yesterday I met my food goals. Of my five meals:4 had protein, 2 had carbs, 3 had fruit and 3 had good fats. The reason for the additional fruit and less carb is due to the fruit cup that was given to me at my surprise party that work threw in congratulations for my graduation. It was awesome that they got me a fruit cup and cake for everyone else.

Exercise: I got in my circuit workout in the morning at work and then went to pilates in the evening. Needless to say, today, I hurt. But in a good way.

Mentally/Emotionally: Still feeling really good from the weekend graduation and whatnots. Work didn't effect me too much and home was okay. I did leave the dishes overnight in the sink and ended up dealing with them this morning and making myself late, but, that is neither here nor there.

Goals for today: Continue on my track with nutrition. Get an interval run in at the gym. Relax at home tonight with Jonas (and also do laundry and tidy the kitchen).

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Took a week off...

This past week, I didn't track food. I may have tracked some exercise... basically I took the week off while I contemplated my next steps.

Would I continue with South Beach Diet?

Would I continue running?

These were my two biggest quandaries.

Here's what I came up with:

Yes, I will continue with the eating principles of South Beach Diet. Why? I feel better with a higher protein diet. I love my veggies and I can stand behind the principles it was built on. My goal is to limit my grain servings to 3 and my fruit to 2 a day. I am going to write a menu to follow and track my food. I am also going to drink more water. Right now, I'm flavoring it with some oranges to add a bit of natural taste. I am not counting the orange toward my fruit serving.

Running. I am going to aim to run twice a week following the increase pace schedule I created. Once during the week and once on the weekend. I will take Jonas with me for at least one of these runs.

I am going to do pilates at least once a week. I want to do this on Mondays with Melissa, yet I may pick up and do it on Thursdays as well if I can deem I can afford the extra expense.

Twice a week I will do a strength training circuit workout. These will be done at the gym at work. I still need to plan these a bit, but that shouldn't be too difficult to do. In the case that I can not complete this at work, I will do either of Jillian's videos to get this workout in when I get home.

I feel good about going forward. I look forward to what the future brings.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Redefining my motivation

This past week has brought me to culmination. I have finished a 5k race. I have completed my coursework for my Bachelor's Degree. Now what? Things I have been working toward are completed and I never sat down and thought of what I wanted to do next. I feel lost. I feel like I have no motivation to continue on this journey. I know that I want to. I also know, that I worked really well when I had goals. I need to determine what short term goals I have. And now, that I'm within 50 pounds of my projected goal weight, I need a long term goal to get there. The problem is, I don't know what those goals should be.

Did I enjoy running enough to continue doing it? Was it really a weight loss booster like everyone has always said it would be? The answer to both of those is "I don't know."

First, running for enjoyment: I enjoyed meeting the plan's goals for the week. I enjoyed the feeling of getting out and exercising. But did I actually enjoy the running itself? Not overly, no.

Secondly, running for weight loss: I lost approximately 7 pounds in the 9 weeks I did the running training for the 5k. While you won't see me complaining about losing 7 pounds, I have to wonder, if I had been doing different training, would I have lost more?

Also, am I eating enough? Was I fueling my body enough for the training I was doing? I don't know. I have plans to meet with a nutritionist the first of October to go over just that. What do I actually need to fuel my body?

So what is my goal? Should I train for a bike ride next instead of a faster run? I do enjoy biking more than I enjoy running. I can answer that without too much thought. With winter approaching, I will have to either use Lincoln Center or the gym at work. Or else, do either strength or cardio at home and do the opposite at the gym at work, throwing in Lincoln Center for maybe a weekly walk/run.

Eating wise, I think I'm just going to maintain healthy eating habits with my 1700 calorie a day goal until I meet with the nutritionist.

Weight wise, I want to get down to 210 and then evaluate myself at that point. However I need to know if that is attainable with as much skin as I have hanging around. As long as my numbers continue to go slowly down, I think I'll be okay with this until I have a firmer grasp on things after consulting with some doctors and physical trainers in the near future.

First though, I want to get my workout plan on track, then my nutrition. Once I do that, the other should fall in line. Right?