I have a confession to make. I have no confidence in myself nor do I deeply believe I deserve to do things for me. Yesterday, I was delivered with a huge dose of tough love. In talking about how I have moments of success in this journey, I believe I can do it, I believe I am succeeding... and then something happens, doesn't matter what that something is as it varies, but the thing that matters is that something puts something in my mind that tells me I am not worth taking the time for myself to improve myself. At that point I enter a depressive, self deprecating cycle. I eat to make myself feel better, I either feel gross because of the food I'm eating, or gain weight. I feel worse about myself, I eat to make myself feel better... You can see how this can ruin me.
How was I successful for almost a year? Eating properly, exercising regularly? Surely, I had times where I felt an inkling of this? What did I do to stop this cycle from happening? Why can't I go a few days anymore?
So my friend who delivered the tough love yesterday? She said that I may not feel that I deserve this, but I do. That I just need to keep doing what I know I need to be doing, because I do deserve this. I deserve the happiness and everything else that will come with staying on this healthy journey.
My question, that I'm trying to get answered in my head... How do I fight it when everything in me says no?
Make appointments with myself for working out? Actually join a gym outside of work and get some personal training sessions so that the threat of me wasting money by not going, forces me to go? What about eating? When I have times where I want to binge and eat everything in the house? How do I stop it?
Any of the few of you that read this have any suggestions?