Pride? Perhaps just a little

Something that I realized recently is I've not been working out because I lost the enjoyment from working out. Then Jen of PriorFatGirl posted on Monday, "Fake it Till you Make it Mode". It was then that I realized, even if I don't enjoy it, I HAVE to do it.

I looked over at the sign posted at my desk, "Every Damn Day, Just Do It!" from Nike.  I resolved then and there, that I had to get over myself and do it.

For the past two days I have done it. Instead of getting into cardio hell (spending 30+ minutes on one cardio machine until I get bored), I've switched machines mid workout! 

Today my workout looked like this:

• 1 mile on Elliptical (10:54)
• 10K on Bike (25:02)
• 1 mile on Treadmil (15:49)
• 100 Push-up Challenge Workout - 81 push-ups done!
• 25 Sit Ups during a rest between push-up sets
• 10 Squats during a rest between push-up sets (without pain, even!)

HRM Calories Burned? 811!
Total workout time (with resting between some of the push-up sets)? 1 hour, 5 minutes!

I know that I can not get to my weight goal without working out. Oddly enough, working out suppresses my appetite. I feel less hungry on days I work out. This is a good thing!

I have the ability and the privilege to workout while at work. It's about time I start taking advantage of it again!

Food Thoughts

I tend to be over analytical about my journey as I try to figure out what I can do to "do things better". Since kinda falling off the wagon, so to speak, I've been pondering a few things... (Note, these might be really random)

I've been pondering Weight Watchers as a nutritional change. Specifically, the Points program. Thinking that perhaps, following a "program" may give me the structure I need, but that WW is loose enough to give me the flexibility I crave... that say, South Beach may not be able to give me.

So, in thinking about this... I've been pondering things like the zero point foods (Fruits and Non-Starchy Veggies).  In other circles, they have been referred to as negative calorie foods... ie, they take more calories to digest than they are.

In WW you can eat as many of the zero point foods you want, you don't count the points of them. And WW works.

From the dietitian visit, I had a list of veggies that were "free" foods.  I could eat as much as I wanted of those, I didn't have to count them.

So, if I stay strictly with counting calories and logging the calories from those foods, do I count them? Or do I just say, "Nope, it's on the list of free foods, I don't need to count those calories?"

Part of me thinks, "Well yes, I should count them." Part of me thinks, "They weren't in the dietary breakdown from the dietitian, no, you don't count them."

What do others practice?

What is the best way for me to succeed? 

Is "pigging out" on veggies, but not counting the calories going to overall lower my calories in the day because I'm filling up on these veggies?

I have no idea, so I'm bouncing my thoughts out there into the air for anyone to bounce ideas back to me.

Thoughts?

Spring Break Recap

A picture post! :)

Saturday, the first day of Spring Break, we went Geocaching!  It was a ton of fun.  My sister and nephew joined us on our quest for goodies.

Jonas and Kyle find the Geo Cache!

We then got our CityPass and it was time for our tour of Chicago Museums!

Sunday, we ventured off to Adler Planetarium and Shedd Aquarium. Of the two, the Aquarium was by far my favorite!  I really love watching fish, it's always been so relaxing.

Dustin and Jonas outside the Planetarium

Mom and Jonas, being goofy before the 3D movie.

Aquatic Show!

Jonas and a turtle sculpture!

Nemo and Dori? :)

Monday, we ventured off to Field Museum. While I like going to look at the dinosaur and experience new things, this was my least favorite museum. We had fun together though.  Even if Jonas and I sat for a bit while Dustin went through it for the first time.

Jonas & Sue

In Soil We Trust!

After the Field, we went to SkyDeck and attempted to look out at Chicago.  However, it turned foggy while we were on our way!

Jonas & Willis Tower

Tuesday, we headed out to everyone's favorite, Museum of Science and Industry! We saw a movie about tornadoes at the IMAX. We toured the U505 submarine! We went into the coal mine! We played and learned all about science!

U505 Submarine

Jonas takes the helm?!?!

Jonas, really excited to tour the U505 sub!

Aww!  Me and Dustin!

Wednesday, Jonas and I went to see Mars Needs Moms before I took him to his dad for the rest of his spring break.

The rest of the week I relaxed, went shopping, took Dustin to the doctor, walked a 10k and relaxed some more.

We did a lot, but we had fun!  And in such a beautiful city.

Jonas and the Chicago Skyline

I did it!

I completed the 10k this morning. I'd like to say I ran it, but I didn't.  I ran about 7 minutes total and walked the remainder. It took 1 hour and 43 minutes total.  That's an average of 3.6 mph.  I actually finished the first half in one minute less than I ran the 5k back in September... mostly walking.

I realized a couple of things during my time alone to reflect on things.  The first and main thing, I am not a runner. Sure, I can run, and I can continue to push myself into running more, but I don't enjoy it. I enjoy accomplishments.  Running programs, running races, those are accomplishments I enjoy, not the actual running.

The other, is that I'm angry with myself.  I let myself slide in my goals, in my journey in the past 5 months.  I've roughly maintained the same weight, I gained about 15 pounds since my lightest when I did the 5k. I cried around mile 3, not from physical pain, but mental, emotional pain. I am the only one who can right my wrong. And I will. I vowed, then and there, that I would continue on journey and I will succeed.

I WILL DO IT.

Spring Breaksie!

Today, we are off to our second day at the Chicago museums. Today, the Field Museum. It's a natural history museum. Should be fun! If the fog lifts, we will also head over to the sky deck on-top of Willis (Sears) Tower.

Yesterday we went to the Adler Planetarium and Shedd Aquarium. Both were a lot of fun. I did fall asleep during the 3D show at Adler. I LOVED the 4D show at Shedd!

Today, I decided we need to find a way to eat healthier while out. I started my day with eggs and fruit. Lunch will be at the Field, either McDonalds or Corner Bakery. I'm aiming for Corner Bakery.

I'm also hoping the weather stays nice, maybe we will rent bikes and ride along the lake for a bit!

Pics to come later! I took some great ones yesterday!

Geocaching!

I've always wanted to try Geocaching.  Today, I did!  Our first hike out was a good 1/2 mile from where we parked at a local park.  We ended up having to go through we woods a bit, but it was a beautiful day!  The boys had a ton of fun and were so excited when we found it!  Look at em!

My son Jonas and nephew Kyle!

We ended up going to 7 different locations.  Two of them, we couldn't find the caches.  Maybe next time!

Today was a great, active day.  A wonderful way to start my "Spring Break!"

Juicing Madness!

Recently, I picked up a juicer. The first time we used it, I juiced EVERY fruit and veggie I had in the fridge.  It was actually really good. Now, I'm more into juicing when I need to, and only what I need to. This morning, Jonas thought some fruit juice would go well with his waffles. I ended up making apple/pear/grape/strawberry/carrot juice.  He said he didn't care for the carrot in there. I had a small glass of the juice. (I really have no taste buds right now due to the cold... everything kinda tastes the same)

Now, what I've been pondering... what do I do with all the pulp? There are recipes online for things you can do. Things that show you how you can count the calories for the pulp separate from the juice. But as a person who doesn't like to waste things, I've been trying to come up with ways I would use the pulp.  This morning, I took the pulp and made oatmeal fruity pancakes!

My goto recipe for oatmeal pancakes? 1/2 cup oats, 2 egg whites, cinnamon, little splenda and an apple diced.

I figured, why not replace the apple with the pulp from the juicer?  Results?  It was tasty! Next, I think I might try muffins!

Yesterday we had a health fair at work. I was able to get my cholesterol tested.  I'm proud to say, my cholesterol is currently in the normal range.  My triglycerides however, were just a tad high. So I've been reading up on the best way to help lower those, other than exercising and losing weight. :)  Something interesting I found was lower carb diets help with lowering triglycerides.  You know, stay away from starchy, sugary stuff.  Whole grains, fruits, veggies are good.  Oddly enough, that's pretty much how I eat anyway. :)

Also at the health fair, I spoke with the trainer from the gym about my recent slew of injuries. What she suggested was to add in 10-15 minutes of yoga a day to strengthen the tendons in all my joints. That the 10-15 minutes would help more than 50 minutes once or twice a week with the strengthening of tendons. So, I'm on the lookout for a short yoga video or sequence I can do daily. Hopefully, this stops the injuries I've been having and lets me continue on my training plans!

And finally, I am 7 hours away from a week's vacation!  I'm so excited about having some time off work. We've decided to stick around Chicago-land and play tourist by visiting the museums around town.  Also requested were roller skating and geocaching if the weather holds and doesn't rain too much. I look forward to preparing some kick-ass meals this week as well.  I have some things planned to try new things out.  I'm looking at it as a week to rejuvenate, reevaluate myself and move forward with more motivation and spunk!

Obersvations while in Urgent Care

I would say I hate being sick, but then I wonder who enjoys it? Other than the little boy I saw yesterday at Urgent Care who was ecstatic to have a couple of days off school. I've got a nasty sinus infection and sprained ankle!  Woo?

When you're sick do you stick to your eating plan, or do you eat what you think your body needs? I slept a lot yesterday and ate mainly toast and fruit during the day.  I did eat dinner with the family, and managed to stay awake for a few hours. I didn't count anything.  Today, I'm more hungry than normal.  Wonder if that is due to the lack of nutrition from yesterday.

I had an observation yesterday at Urgent Care about myself. I've hurt myself more in the past couple of months with "sports" injuries than when I was 100 pounds heavier trying to do this stuff. I wonder why that is?  I'm taking my vitamins every day, instead of the haphazard way I was taking them before. I wonder if I'm being more careless and just pushing myself that much harder that injury is just easier to come by.

Today, my head feels full. My ankle feels better. I returned to work.  Although, my boss has asked me at least twice if I'm certain that was the best choice. It's great being in a work environment that is OK with you being sick and recovering at home rather than infecting everyone else.

Tomorrow, I'm back on schedule with eating.  Today, I'll go for a walk while Dustin and Jonas do their run.  I think walking is best.  Gotta get some physical activity in! It helps with my mind.

Weekly Recap and a Look Ahead

Weekend recap:

Calories burned with exercise: 1200 with a 5.78mi run/walk yesterday! If I had realized my phone wasn't calculating after 5 miles, and I was that close to 6, I would have kept going!

This past week wrapped up with me feeling ill.  I went to the wedding on Friday, loaded up with enough drugs that I felt semi-normal, then literally didn't leave the couch on Saturday. I was feeling better yesterday so I got up and did some errands and some exercise. However, after that, I started feeling crappy again and slept not so great.

Last Week's Goals in Review:

Eating/Food Goals: 9 out of 10. I really only had one day where my eating wasn't perfect.  It wasn't great on Saturday, but I was feeling crappy, so I didn't expect it would be perfect. I also lowered my calorie goal from 2000 to 1800 midweek this past week.  So far, this is working out well.

Workout Goals: 8 out of 10! We only completed the first two days of the Couch to 5k for week 3 this week.  Friday was out, due to leaving early for a wedding.  Saturday, I could barely move.  I did make up some ground and did the run/walk yesterday.  I ran/walked the first hour, then walked steadily for the last half hour. I got in a couple extra workouts during the week AND completed week 1 of the 100 push-up challenge with a total of 60 push-ups during the last workout of the week!

Other Goals: 10 out of 10! I feel like I had a really good week. I enjoyed time as an adult at my co-workers wedding, got my workouts in and ate fairly well!

Scale Victory?  No, I maintained this week
Non-Sale Victory?  Yes!  While I didn't lose weight, I lost inches... and I did nearly 6 miles yesterday!

Pictures from the Wedding!

I didn't get a picture of me before we went to the wedding because we were running late, however, this is from when I tried on the outfit earlier in the week!

Dustin and I at the wedding!

 I don't have many "before" pictures, but I do have this one, which I keep handy so that I can look back and see how far I've come.

Me & Jonas late 2002 or early 2003

Anyways!  Looking ahead to this week!

I'm working late this week, covering our department's late hours. Push-ups this week are Tues, Thursday and Saturday.  Running will be the same days.

Speaking of Saturday... Starting Friday around 4:31pm I'm on vacation for a week!  How about them apples? Jonas is on spring break.  It's up in the air as to what we're doing.  Either we're heading down to NC to visit with Dustin's family... OR if the job offer he had Friday goes through and he starts working (Cross your fingers everyone!) Jonas and I will find something else to to.  Current suggestions are Mall of America, and an Indoor Waterpark.

Have a fantabulous week everyone!  We shall speak again soon!

Feeling Pretty

Today is a laid back sort of day.  Working from home, getting dressed up and heading to a wedding. I'm going to post some pics afterwords of me in my dress.  Most shocking to me, it's pink. :)  I'm just not a pink type of girl.

This morning I woke up feeling crappy. My throat was sore, my head hurts and my chest is a bit tight.  Allergies or sinus infection, who knows.  I decided to forgo working out today since it's a packed day.  We're going to go finish week 3 of the couch to 5k tomorrow, as well as my long walk/run.

I ate healthy for breakfast and lunch and I feel armed to go to the wedding with a bank of calories from the day as well as the knowledge that I KNOW I can stay within my goals.  Something I'm proud to say is a first for me. Previously, this type of situation made me stressed that I would lose control.  I know now, I can do it.

That, is an amazing feeling.

Now, I'm off to make myself pretty! :)

You Are Enough

Tonight I decided to do a workout from ExerciseTV through my On Demand.  While Jonas was finishing up his homework, I did the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout video. That was about 30 minutes.  I was good and sweaty, but I was ready to do more.  While I was flipping through the videos, Jonas saw a video called Cardioke.  This video was made by Billy Blanks, Jr. It is a cardio workout in which you sing to get extra benefits.  It was a fun, dancing video.  However, what I wasn't prepared for, what really touched me was the cool-down song which was written by Billy Blanks, Jr.'s wife, Sharon Catherine Blanks.  I searched until I found the lyrics so I could share them.  They really hit home with me with what I've been feeling in my own journey. Here is the link to the YouTube video as well.

"You Are Enough"  
by Sharon Catherine Blanks


Start from where you are
Take a deep breath in
Take a brave look in the mirror
At the soul inside your skin
So hard on your self

Perfection's overrated
And life's so complicated

And simply stated


It's gonna be all right

Every flaw is magnified

Underneath your hardened eyes

You pick yourself apart

And cut you down to size

It’s just standard operation

For your self-humiliation

It’s become so much your normal 

That you don’t realize 

You are enough

You are enough

You are exactly where

You need to be

Right now it’s tough

But all that you need

To get through

Is already in you

You are enough

There’s so much pain all around you

From the nerdy plain jane

To the pretty girl, too

You just never know

So you think that you’re alone

That no one can relate to you

And you’re the only one 

It’s gonna be all right

Don’t like your job

Don’t like your life

You’re fighting with your husband

Your fighting with your wife

No one understands you

They’ve never been your age

It’s funny

Each new generation

Has the same old rage

You are enough

You are enough

You are exactly where

You need to be

Right now it’s tough

But all that you need

To get through

Is already in you

You are enough

There’s never been a you before

So how can someone

Tell you how to be?

I wish that I could take away

Your doubt and set you free

Start from where you are

Take it in stride

Call it all good

Call it a win

Reach from inside

You are enough

You are enough

You are exactly where 

You need to be

Right now it’s tough

But all that you need 

To get through

Is already in you

You are enough

You are enough

You are exactly where you need to be

Right now it’s tough

But all that you need 

To get through

Is already in you

I am enough

I certainly am enough.  So are you. Love yourself, you're doing the right thing... and so am I.  Keep moving on. You can do it, and so can I.

Is it worth it?

I just got back from Starbucks.  Excited to try their new Cocoa Cappuccino and get my free petite dessert.  The desserts are clocking in at under 200 calories.  So I was thought, hmm, why not get the rocky road.  It's chocolate and nutty.  I also grabbed the Iced Cocoa Cappuccino.  I took a couple of sips of the drink on the way back.  It's got some sugar in it (23g per the website)!  I can feel my body not liking that. So I looked up the Rocky Road Petite Pop, 180 calories, 12g of sugar. I could feel my head swimming from the sugar in the sips of the drink.  So, a friend stopped by my desk and I gave her the drink.  The cake pop, I think I'll give to my boss.

While 180 calories wouldn't be the death of me, I choose not to indulge in the cake. Instead, I shall have my water and my healthy planned snack of an orange, cheese and popchips.  Yes, I know it's a strange combo, but it works.

Something I need to be more conscious of, is it worth it?  I see a cupcake, I want the cupcake, but is it worth me eating it?  What will happen?  Will I be able to stop with one cupcake, or will it induce cravings for other things. If I do decide to indulge, I need to learn to stop. I need to learn to say, "Yes, that was a nice treat. Now, back to your regularly scheduled program."

Today I woke up feeling refreshed.  Refreshed with my goals, refreshed with my plan. I love mornings where all of my energy refocuses me.

Positive Attitudes

Have you ever sat back and thought about how negative you can be toward yourself? I know I think about it all the time.  Recently, I made a decision to look for the positives in myself.  Look at my accomplishments and how far I've come. Sure, in reality I might have a couple steps backwards, but in the long run, I'm moving in the right direction.

My desk at work I have quotes printed up on paper, inspiring me, motivating me. I need to get some of these for home too.  Or maybe some other ones that have pretty pictures I can hang on the wall rather than randomly printed papers.

It always amazes me how better I feel when I have positive mental attitude (PMA).  I want to do things. I want to succeed.  I want to exercise.  I want to eat healthy. I'm less stressed and can better navigate my days.

Some quotes I like:
"Nobody cares if you're not a good dancer.  Just get up and dance.  The same holds true for racing. Whether first or last, we all cross that same finish line. Just get out there and run." -- Dean Karnazes

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. " -- Lou Holtz  

"We can't stop the waves, but we can learn to surf." -- Jonathan Kabat-Zinn  

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." --Einstein

"So what do we do? Anything -- something. So long as we just don't sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we've satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late." -- Le Iacocoa

"Realize that there is no such thing as failure. Keep this in mind and you will achieve all that you conceive in your mind. You never fail, you simply produce results." -- Wayne Dyer

Something else I read today, No matter how fast you go a distance, you burn the same number of calories.  If you run 5k in 30 minutes or you walk it in 1 hour. The important thing is, you got up and did the distance.


I am going to go the distance, are you?

Lentils!

You ever have one of those days where you have a ton of work to do at your desk and you don't have any time at your desk because you're in meetings, doing trainings or other such things? Yeah, I'm on day two of this schedule and it's driving me batty.

The good news is, I've done really good eating wise the past two days! It's almost been where I look at the clock and think, "Hrm, I need to eat." I've stayed in my calorie ranges both days.  Yesterday we completed Week 3 Day 1 yesterday!  It was great!  There were a couple of times where Jonas was struggling and I kept saying, "Just 1 more minute, you can do ANYTHING for a minute!" and he did.  He was glowing he was so proud and I was proud of him.

I also started the 100 push-up challenge yesterday. 46 push-ups baby! I'm looking forward to seeing how things progress.

So the title of my post, Lentils!  Wondering what that is all about? I recently received 48 pounds of lentils from my mom, all for free!  They came in two pound bags.  Needless to say, I have no idea what to do with all these. I've made chili.  I've had them with eggs. I'm currently searching for more ways to use them. However, I do know that I can't possibly eat them all. So... I'm asking, "Anyone want some?" :)

Leave me your e-mail address and I'll e-mail you for your address!

Weekly Recap and a Look Ahead

Weekend recap:

Calories burned with exercise: 500 (Bob Harper's Kettlebell Cardio DVD)

This weekend, I relaxed. I did track my food on Saturday but not on Sunday.  Sunday I spent a lot of time sleeping. I felt icky and relaxed accordingly. I got the finishing items for my outfit for the wedding I'm attending and feel good about myself.

Last Week's Goals in Review:

Eating/Food Goals: 7 out of 10. I had a couple of emotional eating episodes this past week. I'm not fully happy with the eating choices I made.

Workout Goals: 8 out of 10! I did complete week 2 of the couch to 5k training. I also did a bit of strength training and an extra cardio workout... I feel like I could have done more.

Other Goals: 8 out of 10! I missed a few days of blogging this week. I was ashamed of how I was feeling and with being busy with work, I just let everything go. However, I didn't continue on that track, I reminded myself of my goals and got back where I needed to be.

Scale Victory?  Mmmhmm. I'm down 2 pounds this week
Non-Sale Victory?  I'm proud of having finished the week 2 program of the couch to 5k.

Total Weight Loss to date: 133 pounds!

Looking ahead to this week:

Today I'm starting the 100 push-up challenge with Dustin and we're continuing with week 3 of the couch to 5k. Work will be hectic this week, I need to plan food accordingly. As well, working out during lunches this week will be difficult, so I need to do workouts at home in the evening. I'm also pondering graduate school this week.  Should be an interesting week!

I'm going to do a giveaway this week as well, so stay tuned. :)

Spring is in the Air

Happy Friday! Today, it smells like spring outside. It's drizzly, but I want to go out and dance in the spring air! Anyone want to join me?

Yesterday's Couch to 5k run went well.  Jonas was running a little slow, so the last segment of running, I told him I was going to pick it up.  I think he did too.  I felt so great, I even did an extra lap on the track!

Since our Couch to 5k week was thrown off a little, we're going to do two days in a row and run again today. Only, the indoor track we normally run at will be closed. I'm actually looking forward to running outside, even if it is drizzly!

Eating wise? Yesterday I did a really great job.  I remember reading somewhere, if you have one day a week where you don't eat so good, it's OK because as long as you eat good the rest of the time, you'll do great in the long run. I know I'll do great.

I've been mainly following a philosophy of eating that I found through Fat2Fit Radio. They are two gentleman who have a podcast and recently wrote a book. Their whole philosophy is to eat like the thinner person you want to be.  Don't starve yourself, just eat at the level that thinner person would eat at, and you'll get there. I hadn't listened to the podcasts for a while, but have caught back up and bought the book. Their gentle guidance helps keep me on track and helps me remember why I am doing what I am.

And now...

Today's Friday Five from Friday5.org is posted in honor of Dr. Suess's birthday this week. It was an interesting set of questions that made me think quite a bit.

   1. Dr. Seuss’s first published book was And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street!. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve witnessed on your street?

I just moved onto my street within the past year, and honestly I've not seen a whole lot. However, the most awesome thing I saw was the day after the blizzard, the number of neighbors helping other neighbors dig out. It made me feel great about my decision to live on this street.

   2. In The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins, a boy removes his hat to pay respect to the passing king, but each hat is somehow replaced by a bigger, fancier hat. If you’re a hat person, what’s your current favorite? If not, under what circumstances did you last wear a hat?

I'm not really a hat person.  I wear hats in the winter to keep warm. Baseball caps I think look utterly silly on me, so I only wear them if I need to block sunlight (I have sun sensitive eyes). The last hat I wore, just because I wanted to? I wore a jingle bell Christmas elf hat at my company holiday party.

   3. In If I Ran the Zoo…, a boy fantasizes about how fantastic the zoo would be under his administration. What’s your local zoo like, and how do you like it?

I LOVELOVELOVE the Zoo!  I had a membership a couple years ago and Jonas and I went all the time. I never got tired of visiting the zoo. There are 3 zoos within an hour drive. I've only been to two of them.  Oddly enough, I've not been to the free zoo!  Hah!  I plan on changing that this year though. My favorite animals to watch are the monkeys and bears. What are yours?

   4. In Green Eggs and Ham, the main character refuses to taste a certain dish until, just to get Sam to leave him alone, he gives in and discovers that he likes it. When did something like this happen to you?

Since I have an addiction to food, I really had to think about this. The food I'm currently doing this with is Brussels sprouts. Roasting them last week, I loved the outer crispy layers, but biting in, I could only handle about two before I thought, "No." Yet, I got more. I'm determined to find a way to cook these that I will just love them. Today, I'm cutting them in pieces and either roasting them or cooking them in a pan with some garlic and stuff.

   5. The Foot Book contains a lesson about judging others based on their feet. Feet seem to be something people have widely polar opinions about! How do you feel about feet, and can you think of someone in your life who has especially nice feet?

Ugh, it's no secret to anyone in my family, I don't like feet.  About the only feet I like are baby feet.  I mean, how could you not like baby feet? My dad teases me constantly about rubbing his feet.  It makes me cringe. I am definitely not a feet person.

Emotions Get the Best of Us... Sometimes.

Did you ever have an emotional eating time where the first couple of bites you thought, "Oh, WOW! This tastes SO good!" only to think at the end, "Ugh, this doesn't really taste all that great anymore."?  I had one of those times yesterday.  Afterwords I kept thinking, "Why did I keep going if it didn't taste as good?"  I couldn't answer myself, other than the act of eating was filling a void somewhere within.

I'm not hiding anymore.  Yesterday I had a complete and utter melt down. I was complimented at work for looking good.  Yet, in my mind I knew, "No you don't.  You were stupid and you gained 20 pounds since your 5k.  You aren't strong enough to keep yourself accountable to yourself." I mentally beat myself up until I broke when I got home.

That's not what matters, what matters is, I finally realized what has been going on in my mind. I hate that it builds up and I can't feel what is going on until I have this melt down and mental break through. Knowing however, what I was feeling helps me arm myself. I know I can do it, I know I am strong enough.  Look how far I've come. I need to learn how to accept compliments. Not only just to be polite and say "Thank You" but to accept them and take them to heart.

Today has been a really good day.  I had breakfast at home, or really in the car, but still, I didn't eat breakfast at my desk. For some reason, making sure I eat at home helps set my tone for the day at work.  I also think becoming more aware of what I'm feeling helps me keep my reigns on myself.

I also got to work on time and was able to go workout. I felt SO much better after finishing my workout. I feel energized for the rest of my day. I missed this feeling. I hope I can remember what it feels like and keep feeling it, every day.

One day at a time. This is not a sprint, it's not going to all happen overnight.

We CAN do ANYTHING!

Yesterday was a hellacious day. I was so busy I didn't read my normal set of blogs. I really felt it when I by mid afternoon, I felt myself spiraling out of control. I reigned myself though, I allowed myself a little room, but I didn't get out of control.

Monday, I completed the Couch to 5k week 2 day 1 with Jonas. He said the sweetest thing!  I asked him, "Jonas, you ready to do this?" He says back to me, "Mom, you taught me last week, I can do anything I put my mind to.  I did the first week, I can do it all!"  Way to go to my 9 year old!

I feel like I have a better handle on today. My eating this morning has been great. I attended a webinar about data warehouse designing stuff to actually work on some of my goals at work. Running again tonight and a kettle-bell workout before bed.

Something I need to work on... getting Jonas tired enough that he goes to bed at or before 9pm, so when I have to get him up at 6, he's ready to go instead of the dragging mess I've been dealing with, that is making me late to work, so I feel bad taking a full hour lunch to workout. Any parents out there with incentives I can try to get him in bed earlier?  It's not that he's fighting going to bed... he loves reading and can stay up reading until 11 or even midnight if I'm not careful!

Today is a new day and it will be a great one! 

Until tomorrow my friends! Keep pressing on!  I believe YOU and I can do ANYTHING we put OUR minds to!