Some days you feel lost.
Some days you need a friend.
Some days you want a hug.
Some days you just need a place to spew your thoughts.
Some days you just need a place to vent.
Some days you just want to throw the towel in and give up.
Some days you want to fight.
Some days you just want to walk away.
Today, I feel a lot of these things.
There is so many things going on in my life right now. While I try to eat well, I've not been. I start my days off well enough and then somewhere along the line, my eating turns to crap. It's easy. This creates a viscous cycle. I eat something I shouldn't be... I feel bad... I want to eat more, because eating does something in my brain that makes me feel less sad/bad/depressed... So on and so forth.
My emotions are out of whack. The medications I'm on are doing funny things with my brain and my body. They maybe normal things for the drugs, but they're funny things to me.
The medications aren't the only thing effecting me. I've had a really hard time of things with "the great move-out" and failure of relationship. All of this happened at the same time and things snowballed. Things within me, my emotions, feelings, thoughts...
I don't like feeling so... lost and out of control of my life. Days like today, I want to throw the towel in and say "screw it".
But then I remember... no, I want to live a healthy, happy life. I don't want to be in this cycle that I've been in for the past few months.
I've reached out for help from a friend and it helps, a lot actually.. He helps me with my eating. We talk about our faith and are even listening to a sermon series together... which is helping me in my own faith tremendously. Yet, I hate feeling so dependent on someone else for the help. I feel like I need so much at times, that I'm going to end up smothering him with my thoughts and feelings... my crying out for help. So I end up holding things back. Which isn't going to help me in the long run. I need to find a happy medium on reaching out for help when needed and trying to help myself some without feeling so lost.
I have a lot of things I need to work on. My eating, my exercising, my faith, my health, my budget and spending and just general feeling like my life is on track. I've been working on creating my list of goals for 2012 and my sub-list of goals for a six week Nerd Fitness challenge that starts on Jan 2nd. I'll be hitting on all of the areas I need to work on, but not in a way that I'll feel overwhelmed. I need to remember that on top of everything I am a single mother who works full time. There are only so many hours in a day and I need my sleep!