Some days...

Some days you feel lost.
Some days you need a friend.
Some days you want a hug.
Some days you just need a place to spew your thoughts.
Some days you just need a place to vent.
Some days you just want to throw the towel in and give up.
Some days you want to fight.
Some days you just want to walk away.

Today, I feel a lot of these things.

There is so many things going on in my life right now.  While I try to eat well, I've not been.  I start my days off well enough and then somewhere along the line, my eating turns to crap.  It's easy.  This creates a viscous cycle. I eat something I shouldn't be... I feel bad... I want to eat more, because eating does something in my brain that makes me feel less sad/bad/depressed... So on and so forth.

My emotions are out of whack.  The medications I'm on are doing funny things with my brain and my body.  They maybe normal things for the drugs, but they're funny things to me.

The medications aren't the only thing effecting me.  I've had a really hard time of things with "the great move-out" and failure of relationship.  All of this happened at the same time and things snowballed.  Things within me, my emotions, feelings, thoughts...

I don't like feeling so... lost and out of control of my life.  Days like today, I want to throw the towel in and say "screw it".

But then I remember... no, I want to live a healthy, happy life.  I don't want to be in this cycle that I've been in for the past few months.

I've reached out for help from a friend and it helps, a lot actually.. He helps me with my eating.  We talk about our faith and are even listening to a sermon series together... which is helping me in my own faith tremendously.  Yet, I hate feeling so dependent on someone else for the help.  I feel like I need so much at times, that I'm going to end up smothering him with my thoughts and feelings... my crying out for help.  So I end up holding things back.  Which isn't going to help me in the long run.  I need to find a happy medium on reaching out for help when needed and trying to help myself some without feeling so lost.

I have a lot of things I need to work on.  My eating, my exercising, my faith, my health, my budget and spending and just general feeling like my life is on track.  I've been working on creating my list of goals for 2012 and my sub-list of goals for a six week Nerd Fitness challenge that starts on Jan 2nd. I'll be hitting on all of the areas I need to work on, but not in a way that I'll feel overwhelmed.  I need to remember that on top of everything I am a single mother who works full time.  There are only so many hours in a day and I need my sleep!

dietSNAPS Log - Dec 17, 2011

Dec 17, 2011 9:05 AM

Breakfast

Eggs and brisket!

Dec 17, 2011 11:40 AM

Snack

Making cookies at mom's house.. I tried 4. One of each kind.

Dec 17, 2011 2:40 PM

Lunch

Canned chicken, laughing cow cheese and BBQ/Tabasco/French dressing sauce.

Dec 17, 2011 5:25 PM

Dinner

Mcdonalds bacon angus burger and 1/3 of large fry.

Dec 17, 2011 10:00 PM

Snack

@Toni's - corn pops and gummy bears

Dec 17, 2011 10:30 PM

Journal Entry

Today's eating started off well, but needing to first watch my mom (she's sick) and then my Niece and nephew, it just went to heck. I'm not stressing about it.

Sent from my iPhone

dietSNAPS Log Dec 16, 2011

Dec 16, 2011 7:10 AM

Breakfast

Eggs, cheese, deli chicken and hot sauce.

Dec 16, 2011 8:10 AM

Journal Entry

I have a nasty ass of a headache today. I'm chilling out for a bit before I head to the doctor about the vasculitis. Hopefully today was my last steroid. I need to get back on track. I've not been eating as horribly as I was pre-December, but I've had a few setbacks. I'd like to see those stop. My goal for the rest of the month is to ignore calories and track using pictures and this app. I'll post to the blog at the end of the day. This will keep me accountable to y'all and myself. Eating is my largest part of the battle. Once I can handle this, I'll up my exercise again. Right now, I've just been walking. :)

Dec 16, 2011 8:40 AM

Journal Entry

Dr appt. BP- 130/82 Weight - depressing I have to stay on the prednisone.. It's only in my skin, but I still have to be closely monitored. She increased my cholchicine to twice a day. :(

Dec 16, 2011 12:50 PM

Lunch

Tuna patties with mustard, pickles, steamed sugar snap peas and a pear with cinnamon.

Dec 16, 2011 3:55 PM

Snack

Dark chocolate and pistachios!

Dec 16, 2011 7:25 PM

Dinner

Dickey's Brisket, green beans and pickles!

Dec 16, 2011 9:05 PM

Journal Entry

Today, albeit emotional, was a good eating day. I spent a lot of time thinking about where I want to go eating wise. I'm pondering following an autoimmune paleo protocol starting after the first of the year for six weeks and seeing what happens. I'm happy with my food choices today.

Sent from my iPhone

dietSNAPS Log - Dec 15, 2011

I'm testing seeing what happens if I email post my dietSnaps log. :)

Dec 15, 2011 6:05 AM

Breakfast

Eggs, salsa and bacon!

Dec 15, 2011 11:50 AM

Lunch

Holiday party... Salad and chicken

Dec 15, 2011 2:55 PM

Snack

Almond mix with dark chocolate and tea for the train.

Dec 15, 2011 5:30 PM

Snack

Ham and cheese snack.

Dec 15, 2011 7:30 PM

Dinner

Dinner out with family. Forgot to take a photo. Dinner was at Kelsey's Steakhouse. I had salad with garlic dressing, a porterhouse steak and red potatoes. Yum!

Sent from my iPhone

December 2011 Goals

I have decided that I'm fed up with the way I've been living for the past few months.  Sure, I've got reasons for it, but I'm tired of using excuses for not living a healthy active lifestyle.  Today, that changes.

I reached out and told a friend, I need help.  He suggested that I come up with a list of goals for the month of December as well as for 2012.  I'm still working on my 2012 goals, but they will be broken up into the same categories that I've broken my December goals into.

I've broken my goals into five "F" categories.  Fitness, Food, Faith, Family & Finances.  Each goal has a point value and there are bonus points earned for every pound I lose.  Based on the number of points I earn by the end of the month, I've given myself a list of rewards I can earn.  I created a Google Doc spreadsheet to track my points every week.  I'll post my progress every week as well.

December 2011 Goals:

Fitness:

• Workout 20 minutes on 20 days.  This could be any workout, as long as it's 20 minutes
• Restart the 100 push-up program.  3 push-up sessions a week.  These will be done on my knees

Faith:

• Attend 6 church services
• Read the Bible using the Bible App on my phone and the 90 day reading program
• Finish up the devotional: Need Him: Finding God using the Bible App on my phone
• Jonas & I will do the Christmas/Advent devotional readings

Food:

• 90% Paleo (Breakout: 50% fat, 20% carbs, 30% protein)
• 1 or less servings of fruit a day
• Aim for less than 100g of carbs a day
• Track food via MyFitnessPal

Family:

• One game night a week
• Two family fun nights (Jonas' choice)

Finances:

• $100 into saving account (min)
• $20 per week for offering

Total Goal Points: 400

Rewards:

• 400+ Points: Kinect Workout Game
• 300-399 Points: Movie Night
• 250-299 Points: Board/Card Game
• 200-249 Points: Book